Question: ‘I fear coming close as I feel I will recoil. I have seen this happening in the past. Moving closer seems to be the only way.’ This is coming from a book by Osho. What do these lines mean?
Speaker: You cannot come close to something unless you value it, that is the way of thought. Understand this.
You are saying, ‘I fear coming close, as I feel I will recoil’.
Ego lives in attraction, you cannot come close to somebody unless you value what that somebody stands for. That cannot just happen. So do not try to come close to an external person, do not try to come close. Just observe, so that your thoughts start coming from another point.
Who is taking the decision of coming closer or not? The mind, the ego. The decision is a thought. Now I don’t value what that person stands for. I may value something very fantastic, that person does not appear fantastic.
We all are people who love using the mind. Right? And the mind cannot love anything, if at all we can use that word ‘love’. The mind cannot love anybody unless the mind values that person, and you cannot value that person. Your entire value system rallies against what that person stands for. How will you value that person?
You value a particular social conduct, that person does not display that conduct. You value possessiveness, that person is not available to possessiveness. How will you love that person? And remember when I am using the word ‘love’ here, I am saying that this is the love that comes from the mind. You cannot love that person. Your value system is opposite to what that person stands for. That person is so distant from you, how can you love him? Don’t even try to come close, because that will split you apart.
Remaining what you are, how can you come close to that? But you say, ‘I want to remain what I am, and yet I want to love that’. Love will happen, real love will happen. Do not try to love. And when that happens, you would not have to push yourself to come close, you will find that you are already close. Right now as you are, you cannot come close to that. You may try, you may tell yourself that this is the time to come close. No, this is not the way of love.
Love does not happen through a decision, through an effort. You are only trying to make a logical decision right now. ‘Probably it is good for me to come close to a particular fellow, so let me come close’. But this decision will not help you because even if you try, you cannot come close, that person is very different from your world.
Love is understanding. You do not understand him, how can you love him? Love is about being together. He is so far ahead, how can you be together with him? In other words, you are incapable of loving. Its not that you are making a decision of not loving. You are incapable of loving. Do not try to love, you will be split. Your one leg will remain centred in your ego. Using the other leg you want to jump up to him, so you will be split apart. Being what you are, how can you love anything that is different from you, really different from you? You can be afraid, you can be angry, you can be envious, you cannot love him, it is impossible for you. You are not entitled to love him, you are not qualified to love him.
Love is a fire, it will burn you. You save yourself. Loving is not something convenient. To love a person different from you, is a challenge deep enough. And to love the truth itself means, absolute death. Love is not a teddy-bear stuff. Are you qualified to really love? There would be a part of you that would always be on the lookout for some kind of escape route. How do I escape away? Can I get some logic to fly away? Do not forget that love is a great fire. It burns you down. And you are just that combustible material, ready to be burnt. Ego.
Do not force yourself into love. You will not succeed. You will only get an unpleasant experience which will make you feel that there is something not good, and for the rest of your life you would not want to go again into it. Instead, watch, understand, and let love come to you. It would come to you and it has to. Its not something of your volition. It would happen. Be truthful, watch, really understand. Then without your asking, without your ambition, without your desire, you will find that you are already close.
You are not close to yourself, how can you be close to anybody else? This is the first question to be asked. There is a beautiful line on love, “To be full of love, you must first be full.” First be full, first be qualified for love. Love is not for the faint-hearted. Love is not for those who are anyway shivering. Love is not for those whose minds are full of rubbish. You are not qualified for love.
In fact, in some sense a Buddha is a test of your being. How do you feel close to him? Jesus lived for thirty years, and when he died there were just ten people who were with him. Buddha kept walking, walking and walking. Yet there were not millions of people who came up to him. And there were many others who died without anyone coming to know of them. Nobody bothered to go to them.
Because again, in the world’s value system, a saint does not count. He does not have an attractive body. Of course, he does not have money. When you love someone, you want to take control of him, and you cannot take control of a saint. So how can you love a saint? For you, love is taking control of somebody’s life. ‘When I love somebody, I want to take control of him.’ Is that not so? How can you love a saint? You cannot take control of him, try as you may. He will always be his own man. Free! Your love is based on reciprocity. You say, ‘I love you, so you must love me in equal measure.’ He refuses. How can you love a saint? When you love someone, he becomes special for you. Is that not so? He becomes extraordinary. And a saint does not take anything extraordinary except, THAT. So do not be in a hurry. All these are games of the ego to feel special. Instead, be open, be honest and forget that there is anything called ‘love’. Things will happen on their own. And then you wouldn’t have to decide, then you will find that you have just submitted. You will find that the resistance is already gone. In fact, the thought will follow the happening, the happening will not follow the thought. After it has happened then you will realize that it has happened.
You will say, ‘Oh! It has already happened! I do not think to make it happen.’
– Based on Clarity Sessions held at Advait Sthal. Edited for clarity.
Watch the session at: Being close to yourself is closeness to others
Read more articles on this topic:
Article 1 : Conditioned behaviour is not love
Article 2 : What is unconditional Love?
Article 3 : Free from lovers, You become free to love