Speaker: ‘If you want to love, you have to love a man with all his limitations.‘ That’s the quote.
‘If you want to love, you have to love a man with all his limitations.’
The question is that, ‘This has been said, but it is so difficult to do.’
You don’t want to Love, and you don’t have to Love. This surely is a wise man whom you have quoted. The disconnect is, this man didn’t speak this directly to you, and you have no idea to whom it was said and why it was said. That is the reason why books can be dangerous.
Because what is said, is often, very contextual. The Buddha has said a lot of things and out of that, many things are applicable only to the audiences to whom he directly spoke. They were not meant for you. That stuff is relevant only, either to a particular person or in a particular time and age. The religious scriptures are all full of so many injunctions which are no more topical today. The context has changed, and there are things that are timeless, which will always be relevant. Be it the Geeta or the Quran, there is lot there which was not said to you. And if you stick to that then you will be breaking your head against an imaginary wall.
But priests and our own fear has told us that every single word, every single statement of the scriptures has to be revered and accepted just as it is. And if you challenge even one paragraph or even one clause then you are challenging the entire document. It is not so!
India is the place where maximum scriptures were written, and India is also the place where they came to know that scriptures cannot help you beyond a point. Only direct transmission can help. India has had the greatest libraries. But India has also said that without coming in direct contact with a Teacher, things will not materialise.
You have quoted from Osho. To the one whom Osho spoke, these words would have been life giving, but to you, these words are just causing confusion. Had there been an Osho in front of you then these words would not have caused confusion. Because the master speaks not only through his words but through his entire presence. You would have understood. And there is something said before this, and there is something said after this, and from that the entire story becomes very clear. But, what do we have today? We don’t have the Teacher in front of us. And we do not know the context. All we have is a keyhole kind of glimpse. There is a vast room and we are able to look into it just by using the keyhole. Now it’s quite possible that you will misinterpret. You won’t understand what will happen inside the room. It’s an immensely vast room and your vision is a keyhole vision.
So that’s the risk associated.
While on one hand, I will always say, that one must read and read a lot. On other hand, reading is fraught with its own risks and reading can never substitute for a living Teacher.
No book is going to come and hold you accountable.
No book is going to come and tell you on your face that you are cunning.
A book is a book.
When those words were spoken they had great life in them. Now, ‘you’ are master of the book. ‘You’ can manipulate the words. ‘You’ can interpret them according to your own convenience, and ‘you’ can quote those words.
When the teacher is alive then you dare not manipulate him. After he is gone, the words are yours. You do what ‘you’ want to.
The words will become the play thing in the hands of ego.
So alright, yes, the wise man has said it, ‘If you want to love, you have to love the man with all his limitations.‘ But this was said in a particular flow and to a particular person.
Why have you picked it up?
You don’t have to Love somebody. And you don’t want to Love somebody.
Listener 1: It’s about the limitations that we are..
Speaker: I’ll come to that. The second part is deeply related to the first part. Let’s first understand the first part.
Love is not a want and Love is not an obligation. You don’t want to Love somebody and you don’t have to love somebody. Love is not at all related to the world around you. Love is first and foremost your own state of being. Love is your own inner richness. Love is entirely an internal phenomena which flows up with respect to the world as well. But primarily it has not much to do with the world, it has to do with your own consciousness. ‘Am I connected to myself?’ That connection, that closeness with yourself is Love.
Listener 2: I have observed that when we are here in this meditative environment, we have the connection with ourselves, but when we are somewhere else with a different lot of people, whom we don’t want to be, we loose the connection with ourselves.
Speaker: But that’s not true you see. You go out from where? Pay attention to the facts. You are here, you go out from here and sitting over here you are so wise that you know that when you will go out, you will lose it, right? And you go out from here. And you say that I know very well that when I go out I lose it, then if you know, then why do you go out? Why do you go out? Going out is not a physical process. Going out is not a matter of physical contact. Going out or remaining in is not matter of sitting three metres in front of me. Please understand what I am saying. Why do you go out? When you know going out has these kinds of repercussions on you, why do you go out at all?
You go out deliberately. You see some benefit in going out and then you complain, ‘When we go out, we slip!’. Why do you go out? Why don’t you remain in all the time? And remember you are in right now? That’s what you claim! Remaining in why do you decide to go out? The only explanation is that you are never actually in. When you would really be in, you would find it impossible to go out. So the question is wrongly placed.
You say that the problem is when we go out we slip, I am saying the problem is not that when you go out, the problem is that you never come in at all! It’s not that the slipping will happen when you are out of this room. The slipping keeps happening when you are in this room. If for once, ever you come in fully, you cannot go out. You never come in. You are always half in. Always with your defences on, always ready to jump out, always with your armours on. You are never in, you never open up. You don’t have that complete vulnerability, that Faith. You don’t allow yourselves to come in. Come in and then you will see that there is no point in going out, ever. You cannot go out.
Fact of the matter is we come for window shopping. We say, ‘Let’s go! Let’s see what’s there on display. What the man has to offer.’ And if we like it, then in course of time, we will decide what to take and what not to take. You do not come to surrender, you come to shop. And no shopper has ever gained what you want to gain. We come here. And it’s not about only you, that’s the state of whole mankind. Whatever our mental position is, we will decide what we want to take. ‘Let’s go and see yeah it’s alright’. A few nice things are said and ultimately ‘I’ will do what I want to do. Ultimately I will remain what ‘I’ am.
People have been coming here since years now. Coming here and maintaining themselves well. You know of these military tanks. The kinds of coats that they have, the armours. Even anti-tank missile cannot penetrate them. Sometimes the armour is so thick that it cannot be breached even if a nuclear bomb drops nearby. That is the kind of armour you people have. Whatsoever happens, your armours cannot be broken. So comfortably you can claim since six years I am doing this, I am a very old visiting member. So what? So what? Did you ever become vulnerable? All you have is the shopper’s mentality. Imagine, thousands missile are being fired at the tank and the tank is coolly smiling, ‘You cannot do anything. I will remain what I am! My armour is very thick, nothing can be changed. The more you fire at it, the more glorious my armour appears to me. Intact by coming to you I become more convinced about the strength of my armour. Let me worship my armour.’ Surely if no Scripture and no Teacher can penetrate my armour, who is bigger – the Teacher or the armour? Who is bigger? So who should be worshipped? And that’s what you do, you are worshipping the armour. Nothing can change. Four years, five years, I will remain what I am. Hail armour! Hail armour!
See, only with God does something arise from nothing. For human beings, something always arises from something. There is always the cause and effect chain. There is always karamfal (Result of action). There is always prarabdh (Destiny). Always something in the past. You are talking about being in and out. If you go out and start abusing me, has that process started all of a sudden, or has he already started here? Does something arises from nothing? What happens outside has its genesis in what is happening right now. If you are going with full of resistance outside, if you are going to be forgetful outside, if you are going to abuse me outside, so all that means is that it’s already happening when you are inside. That outside does not start abruptly. It is already happening when you are here. It is already happening when you are here. It’s just that it is hidden here and becomes explicit there. The same distance, the same absence of attention becomes manifested, explicit outside. It is already there, very much there.
So, never place the problem in the future. Never say that two hours from this point, when we will go out, then something dangerous will happen. Don’t place the problem in the future. The future is contained in this moment. The problem is not in the future, the problem is right now. The problem is right now. If you slip outside, the cause is right now, here. You might slip outside, but the cause lies here. It’s just that we come to notice only when the slipping actually happens. We notice it only then, now the slipping has happened. But the slipping is already happening.
Don’t you know, what you need to do, in order to remain connected?
Don’t you know?
Do you do all the act?
Then my question is, do you really want to remain connected? No. You want to remain disconnected and that is why you are disconnected. Look at your decisions. Look at what you are doing. You are desperate to invite all the trouble upon you and when the trouble comes to you, you say why has it come to me. You are inviting it all the time. You want to remain disconnected.
Those who want IT, will get IT.
If you are not getting IT, the only reason is, you do not want IT.
You do not want It. None of us is so dumb that he does not know what he needs to do. We know very well, but we have a deep cleverness inside. Because we know, what we must do, we exactly know what not to do! Be it cleverness inside. Limitation only see limitation.
When Osho is saying there ‘When you want to love, you love the man with all his limitations’, he mean to say, that the one who is capable of loving, is already so unlimited that limitations don’t matter to him. I have so much to give, that your willingness does not matter to me.
The Sun shines, it depends on various objects, what they do with its rays? Whether they absorb it or reflect it or emit, the Sun shines, and it gives, and it gives without discrimination. It gives, because it has to give. It gives, because it has something to give. It gives, because it cannot help giving. It cannot prevent itself from giving. You cannot prevent Sun from giving. It’s not a choice anymore.
When you say, you want to Love, you have to Love, there is a clear element of choice involved and decision involved. All that is ego. You don’t have to Love and you don’t want to Love.
When your internal health is good, then you radiate Love.
When the being is healthy, and strong, it radiates Love.
It does not have to Love. And that’s why the second statement, that you love the man with all his limitations, that does not mean you love the bloody limitations! That only means that it doesn’t matter, and that also means, that you don’t love ‘a man’. The Sun does not shine upon ‘a man‘.
So, three things:
- Sun does not want to shine.
- The Sun does not have to shine.
- Sun does not shine upon ‘a man‘.
Forget that Love has to do anything with anybody outside. Please forget that. Forget about loving somebody. Turn inwards, look within, cure yourself and then you don’t have to worry about Love. Even without knowing, you will become loving. You won’t even know that this is Love because as per our standard definitions of Love, Love is something totally different. So even without knowing, you would have already become Love. And in strange ways you would be reaching out to others. That’s the mysticism of Love.
You won’t even know how you are benefitting the other. Of course, that would not be as per the general imagination, the general norms. You won’t be talking sweet necessarily. And your behaviour towards everybody will not be same because Love is not something that can be typecast. The same Sun, when it shines upon the sand, it dries the sand and when it shines upon the ice, it melts ice. In one case, the water has been removed and in other case water has appeared. So your behaviour towards everybody will be different. The same Sun has different effects on different people. You cannot just declare a particular type of behaviour to be loving behaviour. And you don’t have to bother whether my behaviour is loving or not.
My inner health is so good that whatever would be happening would be good. I am so full that I can only give. I do not intend to harm anybody because I clearly see that ultimate all around, so whom to harm.
Now, after that, you don’t have to worry, you don’t have to ask yourself repeatedly – Am I loving? But that bugger has so many limitations, how can I love him? But no, it has been told to me that a loving person glosses over limitations, does not care about limitations and still loves, so I must force myself to love.
If you see a deluded man, you have to respond accordingly. What is love when you look at a drunkard? Does love means to offer him a little of, more of liquor? But then you know, that’s the standard kind of definition – the loving man always has smile on his face and a couple of brandies in pocket.Love is not a relationship with the other. Love is not a behaviour displayed to others. Love is your internal fullness. Love is the submergence of the ego in its source. That closeness is called Love. And when that is misplaced, when that is there, then everything is alright. In Love, you may even kill. Love is shear wisdom. And Love demands that one does kill
Love is not a relationship with the other. Love is not a behaviour displayed to others. Love is your internal fullness. Love is the submergence of the ego in its source. That closeness is called Love. And when that is misplaced, when that is there, then everything is alright. In Love, you may even kill. Love is sheer wisdom. And Love demands that one does kill some time. Love is not about giving each other gifts. “You are my darling” — that is not Love. And let those special days come, anniversaries and the birthdays and the valentine days and all the kuchikoo. That is not Love.
Love doesn’t happen. Behaviour arises out of Love. Behaviour happens.
Listener 3: If I am focusing on the behaviour, then that means, I won’t ever look at the center. On the other hand, if I am not ensuring loving behaviour, it does not mean I am ensuring hatred behaviour.
Speaker: First of all, you do not ensure anything in Love. This demand for sureness is itself unloving. Sureness on either side, that I must behave in loving ways, or I must behave in in different ways, or I must behave in hateful ways; any deliberation, any sureness of any kind, is anyway a prove that you are not prepared to dive into the uncertainty.
And, Love is the ultimate uncertainty.
That is the reason why Kabir repeatedly talks of the soorma (warrior). That it requires a very large heart, it requires Real guts to know Love, to be Love. And you need not worry about the behaviour at all. You need not classify it, you need not give it a name, and you need not wonder whether it is the appropriate kind of behaviour. The flower does not worry, whether it’s aroma is appropriate.
Listener 4: At the moment, how to find out, that I am focusing on the behaviour or the action is arising from the Love as center?
Speaker: It’s simple. If behaviour disturbs you then you are looking at the behaviour. What disturbs you? Behaviour. There is nothing else that disturbs us. Behaviour means the surface, the apparent, and the world, that which is visible through the eyes and that which can be heard through the ears. Somebody comes to you, and says you uttered a particular word and I didn’t like it, obviously, the guy is talking about the behaviour. It’s a very deep seated emotion. It takes time to be cleared.
I am repeating, Love has got nothing to do with the other fellow. I love you is the most absurd statement mankind ever uttered. Love is not a relationship with another man or woman or child or whatever. Love is whether I am close to myself. That’s what Love is. Then after that you don’t have to worry about others. Your relationship with others would anyway be a loving relationship. You don’t have to worry. You never loved the other, it’s an internal thing, please. Correct your language at least, if it reinforces the same notion. Do not duet the other.
When somebody asks you, ‘Do you love me baby?’
Reply with full clarity, ‘The question is invalid. How can I give a right answer to a wrong question?’
And don’t many of your parents poison the kid’s mind by repeatedly telling – Mamma (Mother) loves you papa (Father) loves you. Why do you want to kill your child by filling him with this kind of stuff? Mamma is her own enemy, how will she love her daughter?
If your mind clamours for all the rubbish, look at it, if needed speak to it. Ask your mind, ‘What do you want? You want the wife to behave just like the women you see in the movies and TV serials?’ That is exactly what you want! But were you born with the notion of this love? Tell me? Were you born with all the rubbish in your hand? You have acquired it from these places. And there is no great spiritual problem here. Not that some deceptive game of Maya is on and Brahma himself dispatch Maya in order to fuddle you, and you are at the receiving end of some cosmic conspiracy. It’s as simple and as obnoxious as this, you have watched too many TV serials. This is what it is. It is not a cosmic conspiracy. It is those TV serials. It is those movies and the story you have read and all the stuff that is happening on your Twitter and Facebook accounts. That is from where your love is coming. Playboy love, twitter love, Wilson boons love. This is what it is.
Are we so stupid?
And you never know, whether to laugh at it, or to weep at it. It’s such a trivial thing, but it dominates our lives.
Look at how trivial the entire matter is. But when you look at the consequences, the entire life is being destroyed just because you have watched too much of TV. The world’s war are happening because presidents are receiving wrong kind of education. Then you want to cry out. Otherwise, there is nothing in it. And if you know all this, why do you go home and watch all that? At this moment, if I ask you how many of you are prepared to permanently lock your TV sets? Very few of you would agree. See, you are already determined to go back to the same stuff. If I ask you, are you prepared to get those particular channels locked? You can’t commit even right now. And if you can’t commit right now, you know what does that mean. Even right now, you are already committed to watch them. Then you say, why do we slip, when we go outside. You don’t slip outside, you are slipping here. That’s why I never ask you to commit anything, because I will be making a fool of myself. Some of you, feeling some kind of pressure may be, will commit, and then you will go back. And that will be sheer hypocrisy.
Don’t you know, what is your poison? Seriously, don’t you know? But aren’t you determined to go out and again drink the same poison? Aren’t you already determined? Aren’t you already committed? Tell me. And don’t you know what is your poison. Don’t you know what is right for you, and aren’t you already committed to not doing it? Now, is it any wonder that you people are dominated. That even the most important events of your life are being dictated and ruled by others. Because they know, that you are a liar and a cheat. They know, that you don’t have the courage of your own understanding. They know that you do not stand by even your own deepest convictions. Those around you know fully well, that you cannot stand by even your faith. They know, that you do not belong to yourself. When you do not belong to yourself, how will you belong to somebody else. That is the reason, why others are able to dominate you. Because they know, that you are so weak within. It is obvious to everybody, that in spite of knowing what is right, you dare not do what is right. That’s the reason why everybody dominates you.
Be cured within, then all your relationships will fall into place.
Do not think that it’s about one particular person, that my relation with one man is unloving. It’s not about your relationship with one particular person, it’s about your relationship with yourself. It’s about who you are.
If you have relationship problems, turn within, look at yourself. Do not look at that man or that relationship. Turn within. The solution lies there.
~ Excerpts from a ‘Shabd-Yog’ session held at Advait Bodh Sthal, Noida.
Edited for clarity.
Read more articles on this topic:
Article 1: Love comes along with Courage
Article 2: Free from lovers, You become free to love
Article 3: Love is an opportunity to know yourself