Even the most simple and intimate matters of our life are governed by the opinions of others, ‘What will he or she think?’, so we speak because there are others, and we do not speak because there are others.
Whatever we do, we do it for?
‘Others’ are controlling everything in your life. Just everything. Reason?
Simple. You believe yourself to be what others tell you that you are. Somebody tells you, ‘You are wonderful’ and you start feeling good about yourself. You don’t know yourself, so you depend upon the other person to tell you who you are and how you are. Now, in feeling good about what the other person is telling you, you totally forget that you have given the other person power over yourself.
The same fellow who tells you in the morning that you are brilliant, can tell you in the evening that you are stupid. And if in the morning you felt good, then in the evening you will have to feel bad. You do not realize in the morning that by feeling good you are making this fellow your master. And you feel good, only because you do not know yourself.
When you are thoroughly convinced about something, then you do not require others’ opinions. But you are confused about yourself, so you require a certificate from others, a validation from others. ‘Somebody else must come and say I am good.’
That is the reason why even in your friend circle you put up a fake personality. It is horrifying to know that even in our most intimate relationships, we find it compulsory to put up a fake face so that the others keep approving of us.
Ever seen a little kid?
You are hesitating in speaking something. Have you ever seen a two-month old hesitate? It wants to cry, it will cry. Doesn’t matter if everyone else watching a movie in the theatre is disturbed. It will cry out loudly. It doesn’t matter even if you are the president of the world, if he doesn’t like your face, he will slap you and say, ‘Go away.’ And if you still don’t go away, he will spoil your precious suit. Now you will have to go away.
Were you always hesitating? You were not always hesitating. Somebody has taught you to hesitate. Somebody else given you this habit. Somebody might have given it to you because you were dependent then. Conditioning a child is a pathetic act. The child is exploited by the society. And we all have been exploited. But never mind. The past is past.
~ Excerpts from the article, ‘Others taught you to hesitate‘
Read more about ‘Knowing Oneself’: Will I ever know who am I?