How to identify the right company for oneself? || Acharya Prashant (2013)

right company

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Question: How do we know, with whom to stay and whom not to stay?

Acharya Prashant: Whosoever makes you feel free, must be there in your life. Whosoever brings freedom, must surely be in your life and whosoever creates bondages upon you, bondages of any kind either implicit or explicit, must not be welcomed at all.

Even to see whether what you are doing is in awareness or lack of awareness, you require freedom. Bondage cannot be a route to freedom, and remember this cannot be said to an 8 year old. An 8 year old sometimes requires to be told, to be lead but none of you is 8 years old. At your age, bondages have no place in life, at your age, the biggest disservice that can be done to you is to impose a particular code upon you. The only way you can be helped today is by setting you free, and whosoever does not set you free is not your friend but your enemy.

That enemy might be a hidden enemy, it may contain a name of a beautiful relationship, it may even appear to be sacred but it is an enemy nevertheless. Remember, no body accepts the bondage if he/she knows that it is a bondage. Nobody would accept to be chained if he knows that these are chains.

Why do we accept to be chained?

It is because chains come in lovely names.

Can a person sitting far from you create chains? Only the person very close to you can be your enemy. The person who is far away from you cannot put you in bondage. If I tell you I am going to enslave you, you will resist and run away with all you power. But you will not resist if I say that I love you and I am coming to you for emotional and sentimental reasons. Then all of you would willingly become slave, and that is the most deceptive and dangerous slavery; because you are willingly accepting, the slave will not even know that I am a slave. He will not realize that he is a slave and continue with the bondage.

Somerset Maugham has written a beautiful novel ‘Of Human Bondage’, it is a thick volume and the entire piece is the story of how a man lives in all kinds of chains all his life without realizing it. Sometimes in the name of duty, sometimes in the name of love, obligations, responsibilities, religion, sometimes in the name of social convention and we never realize it.

We must realize the moment we talk of bondage, the first name is of parents. Now I never said that parents are putting you in bondage, and I assure you there are parents who are wise enough to not to put their kids in bondage and only they are real parents, only they are real friends of their children. Other people do not realize that they are enemies of their children. It is not that there intention is not right, but they don’t realize, they don’t have the awareness.

They are acting like the enemies of their own kids, their intentions don’t matter, and it is the intelligence what matters. Somebody has said that ‘The road to hell is paved with good intentions’. Intentions do not matter, what matters is that you realize, whether you are aware; and parents are not aware because parents are first and foremost conditioned persons, human beings, as deeply conditioned as anybody else.

See, today you see yourself as ignorant, and you realize that we are not aware. Now given the age group you are in, you too can become parents. One year from today, if you decide, you can have a baby in your hand. Now will that change anything?

You are ignorant today and when the baby comes will you suddenly become wise just because you have produced a child?

Every animal on the roadside is producing a child, does that makes the animal wise?

Nature brings you to a particular age and in that age every specie reproduces, including human beings. Now what is so great about parents, but then you are conditioned to believe that if somebody is a father or mother, he would be divinely great, that he would be suddenly wise. There are teenage pregnancies where 16 year old becomes mother, does this makes her wise?

They are absolutely stupid, but the kid will grow up saying, ‘This is my mother and mother is incarnation of God.’ And that will just be conditioning.

You are an adult, parents are adults, and the only healthy relationship between an adult and another adult is that of friendship.

There is a Chinese proverb which says that, ‘When the father and the son start wearing shoes of the same size, then they are no more father and son. Then they must be friends.’

Now, the mother is an adult, the daughter is an adult, where is the question of mother and daughter?

These should be two ladies talking like friends, not dependent upon each other. Relating to each other in a loving and healthy way. But we do not have love in our relationships, we have bondages and where there is bondage can there be any love?

A chain is that which prevents your fundamental nature from expressing itself.

What is our fundamental nature?

It is to be joyous, it is to be free. Do you see any blade of grass, any animal, or a human child that likes bondage? This is the nature of the entire existence is. In the entire existence, freedom prevails except in human mind.  The human baby is born free and then you teach the baby to remain in bondage which is alright, because the baby has to be a dependant till a particular age.

But the problem is most people get stuck at the mental age of 10 and 12 year old. Till 10 or 12 you remain little dependant, it is inevitable, it is obvious as the child does not know. Those who advocate bondages are mentally stuck at the age of 10 or 12.

After the onset of puberty, a different process must begin and that is the process of freedom. If the parents are really loving towards their kids they would initiate the process of freedom. Most parents do not do that, because they are not aware enough to do that. They treat their 18 year old just as an 8 year old. They think that my daughter is still 8 years old. They do not see the obvious that she is no more a girl, she is a woman and she needs to be treated like a woman.

Even the law says she is an adult, even the law allows her to elect the leader. The entire world and nature knows that you are an adult and you must be free, but parents will not see that. You have a driving licence, you are allowed to drink and marry, allowed to vote, to go abroad. In every matter of life you are now grown up and need to stand on your own feet, but parents do not realize this. Parents will not see that and the worst part is that we become so habituated to conditioning, that we start getting attached to our chains.

A prisoner who thinks that handcuffs are beautiful bangles can never be set free, who thinks the four walls of jail are walls of a beautiful palace will never go out of the jail and that is the deepest crime that can be done towards anybody.

There is only one way of looking at any relationship: Does it set me free?

When I am with that person do I get closer to myself or does he take me away?

These are the basics, whosoever is your friend will always bring you closer to yourself, your real nature of truth, of freedom and love.

Whosoever is possessive about you obviously does not love you, he does not brings you to yourself rather takes you away. Whosoever is attached to you, dependent on you or makes you dependent on himself, obviously he does not love you; because love is none of this and that person is not worth being with.

You can help that person, but that is another thing.

You cannot help a patient by becoming sick.

Our love is like ‘Gandhaari’ (a character from the Mahabharta Epic), if my husband is blind I will also chose to be blind but this is not the way.


Excerpts from a Shabda-Yoga Session. Edited for Clarity.

Watch Full Discourse: How to identify the right company for oneself? || Acharya Prashant (2013)

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We have been taught to be dependent in a thousand ways.

Our entire upbringing and education has been such that we’ve been taught to be dependent in the thousand ways. We’ve been told, for example, that we must top the class. Now remember, to top the class, you’ve to be dependent on others. How? Because not only your performance is important, it’s also important that the others perform badly than you. So, there is dependency. “I might do very well but there’s somebody else who’s done better still. I can’t top.”

“You’re good only when the entire society and the entire group of relatives say that you’re good.” So, your being good is now dependent on the opinion of so many people. There is no absolute standard, it’s all relative. If they say you’re good, you’re good. And if the neighbor comes and says, “Mr. Sharma. Your daughter is disappointing.” Then both Mr. Sharma and the daughter are gone. Their day is spoiled. The daughter does not know herself. And even Mr.Sharma does not know, neither the daughter, nor himself. Are you getting it?

Parents tell their kids, “We will be proud of you when the entire world claps for you.” Now what is this? Do you want to ruin your child’s life? “Don’t do this. What will they say?” Is that not a statement that you’ve often heard? “Duniya kya kahegi.” Now you’re being constantly conditioned to become dependent.

Entire system of education, examinations, certifications, you’re only as good as somebody else says you are. There is always an assessing body outside of you. The result has been that even in this young age we’ve lost the capacity for self assessment. We’ve lost the faculty that can look directly at itself. You know yourself only via somebody, only through somebody.

If you’re to ask yourself “Who am I? How am I? Where do I stand?”, you’ll find that you don’t have any answer. And that’s horrifying. And if you have any answer that answer would surely be an answer given by somebody else. It would have been supplied to you by somebody else. Even supplied is a very soft word, it would actually have been implanted in your mind by somebody else.



Read the complete article: The deeper is your dependency, the deeper is your fear

The deeper is your dependency, the deeper is your fear

21125331_1485233508231414_8341813784503617778_oListener: Why are we always scared? In a class if I’m sitting and I’ve to ask question to our teacher, then why do we always think that what people will think of us if I ask this question?

Acharya Prashant: What’s your name?

L: I’m Kiran.

AP: Kiran. Sit Kiran. First of all it’s a little amusing that the one who’s confidently getting up and asking the first question is saying why am I hesitant to ask question. Kiran who’s hesitating to ask, you?

L: Now I’m confident to ask. But few years back I was not so confident. I just wanted to know that reason.

AP: Leave that Kiran. That Kiran is gone. This Kiran is no more nervous. Is she nervous? In front of everybody she’s interacting, sitting right in the front seat. The moment I say ‘Ask’, she shoots the question. If anybody is not nervous here it’s you. The others should ask, “Why are we hesitating? Why can’t we just come forth and speak?” Continue reading

Be a good friend of the mind.

We have been told only two things, either become the servant of the mind indulge in whatever it tells you to do or become a renunciate, a saadhak and learn to control the mind. Both these directions are directions of division, where you are dividing yourself against yourself. I am talking about something totally different. I am talking about defending the mind. And you know what defending the mind means? It means that “The book is open in front of me but the mind says, “That mobile phone is so attractive. I want to be with that mobile phone. and you say alright, you want to be with that mobile phone, let’s be with the mobile phone, let’s see what you want to do? Do whatever you want to do, I will not stop you. I will just remain present.”

Let the mind do, what it wants to do. Remain present along with the mind, do not leave it alone. Good friends do not leave each other. At the same time, they do not try to rule each other. They also don’t judge each other. Be a good friend of the mind. “You want to go there, I will come along. Whatever you want to do, do that but do that in front of me, in front of my awareness. I’ll watch what you are doing. Do what you want to do, let me just watch.” And then you will discover what the mind wants. And then you will discover why it rushes about in such a mad way, in such particular directions. And that will be a different knowing altogether. Are you getting it? 



Read the complete article: How to prevent distraction of mind?

How to prevent distraction of mind?

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Question: Sir my name is Anshul Negi. I want to ask you, Sir, How to concentrate on studies and focus my mind when it is distracted by other components and these components essentially lead to what I love to? So studying here now in modern toxic form. So, how to continue with these components and focus on studies?

Acharya Prashant: Repeat your question, please.

Question: Sir basically I want to ask “How to concentrate on Studies and focus my mind more towards it?”

AP: Anshul first of all do not give too much importance to the words ‘Concentration’ and ‘Distraction’. Your question essentially is “How to concentrate on my studies and how to prevent distraction?” Right? Continue reading

You don’t really want lust, you want love

You think that lust will provide for your deepest spiritual need. You think that by getting a woman, you will get some kind of liberation. Don’t you see how mad you are when mortal love strikes you? Do you see how ecstatic you feel when that happens which you call as falling in love? No, it is not merely the arrival of a new woman that has made you go bonkers. The woman has come with the hope, with a promise, the woman has come as God to you.

It is not the arrival of the woman that you are celebrating, it is the arrival of Godliness that you are celebrating. That is why you are taking lust as you friend. Lust brought the woman to you and you are thinking that now through this woman you will get some peace and that is why you celebrate that woman. Later on of course you discover that no man or woman can give you peace. So, your hopes are dashed.

But in the interim you get some opportunity to keep wallowing in your misplaced hopes. Krishna wants to liberate us of our misconceptions. So, he says that these are enemies -anger, lust, attachments. All of them bring false promises to us. All of them, in the garb of bringing us closer to the goal, to god, only keeps us separated. That is why, lust has to be called an enemy. When you stop looking at lust as a friend, then lust is neither a friend nor an enemy. Then you are free of lust, then lust is free of you.

Free of lust, you are relaxed and beautiful. Free of you, lust too is free and beautiful.

You had asked, “How to have love rise from lust?” By seeing that you are in lust not for the sake of lust but for love.

Objects just attract each other. The ego is not really attracted to objects. Objects attract only each other. The ego is attracted only to the one who would really bring contentment to the ego. But the ego uses objects as means when you can see that all your lust is for the sake of love. You are using lust just as a means. You don’t really want lust, you want love. Lust is a means. Then you can let lust just be and move directly to love. When you see that it is not at all effective to use lust as a means of fulfillment then you leave lust in its own place and you move on. Rather, you move back to your own place.



Read the complete article: Can love arise from lust?

Can love arise from lust?

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श्रीभगवानुवाच:

काम एष क्रोध एष राजोगुणसमुद्भवः

महाशनो महापाप्मा विद्ध्येनमिह वैरिणं 

The Supreme Lord said :

It is a lustful desire & resulting anger born of Rajas, which is sinful & all- devouring; know this as your true enemy in the world.

Bhagvad Gita, 3.37

“Love has to arise out of Lust. If you avoid lust, you will be avoiding the whole possibility of love itself. Love is not lust; true but love is not without lust – that too is true.”

Osho

Question: Lust is said to be an enemy in the Bhagvad Gita, but Osho says that out of lust love arises. How to have love arise from lust? Continue reading